It would rule.

I have a longstanding love-hate relationship with Ain’t It Cool News and its founder and geek-extraordinaire, Harry Knowles. As a teenager, the site introduced me to an immersive, comprehensive world of pure cinematic geekdom, in which Star Wars and Aliens weren’t just fun movies, but something approaching holy writ, or at least milestones in someone’s young life. At 15, I was far more excited than I currently like to admit to find that I wasn’t the only person whose brain swelled with fantastical images generated by too many years reading comic books and Asimov novels, and at the same time find a site where folks wrote with the same rabid enthusiasm for film that I felt. They weren’t nuts for celebrity gossip—they were actually interested in the movies: storylines, neat sequences, special effects and the fights over creative control that so often were overlooked by the celebrity-driven Hollywood press. Plus, these guys—especially Harry—seemed to have seen everything; the wealth of references they dropped gave me mountains of new cinema to pursue.

After a while, my enthusiasm for the site (though obviously not for film) tempered. The writing, never good to begin with, grew progressively sloppier (losing Alexandra du Pont didn't help either), as Harry seemed to think that his random free-associative ramblings about nothing were as or more important than the actual movies he was covering. Quickly, the truly interesting news grew more infrequent as other sites began to compete for the newly discovered (and quickly growing) movie-nerd audience, and often offered it with more wit and flair.

But almost a decade later, I still skim the site most days of the week, and every once in a while I'll come upon a gem, maybe not of really interesting news, but of the sort of irrepressible geek glee that initially drew me in. Today is one of those days. Read Harry’s drooling, horror-fan wet dream of a $165 million Michael Bay directed Jason movie:

Hey folks, Harry here... in a better world, I would be reporting that Michael Bay was going to make a $165 million dollar FRIDAY THE 13TH film that was going to be Hard R and utterly fucking insane. I don't know why I would want a $165 million dollar FRIDAY THE 13th film by Michael Bay... but wait, I do know why. Because at that budget, he could pay to get Kate Beckinsale, Keira Knightley, Liv Tyler, Scarlet Johansson and at least a half dozen more of the hottest gals in Hollywood to not only get naked for Jason, but be meat for the grinder. It would have Ben Affleck as a camp counseler and Dakota Fanning as the spunky kid sister that gets beheaded on reel 2. It would also have Bruce Willis as the father of one of the girls that's been waiting out in the woods for Jason to return... to Crystal Lake... and that lake would have been the migratory hangout for Nessie, that was visiting the young Scottish girl all grown up, Keira Knightley... Jason would kill both of them in a sequence that would reveal 29,000 separate cuts and would completely cause 1/3rd of all audiences to develop epileptic fits. It would rule.

It would rule is right.

And speaking of films that appear likely to satisfy the deeper parts of genre fan cool-lust, check out the trailer for the upcoming Russian vampire film, Night Watch.