Fantastic Bore

Fantastic Four sucks, or so says every critic in America. Not that I predicted this or anything.

All the critics were rushing to get their reviews out first so they could use the Not So Fantastic line and not have to expend effort on this flaming turd to think of anything more clever.

UPDATE: Slate's David Edelstein succombs to a predictable headline (Fantastic Four Ain't So Fantastic), but has some choice words for Marvel's craptastic new release:

Archvillain mogul Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) introduces Jessica Alba as "my director of genetic research." It's not that Alba looks like a junior-college sorority girl, it's that she looks like the stupidest junior-college sorority girl. Why couldn't they have cast someone more plausible, like Hilary Duff? Then again, Alba is the perfect mascot for this convictionless clunkfest.