We Have to Put a Barrier Between Us and the Snakes

Snakes on a Plane, besides being Ned Lamont, is everything you want from a movie called Snakes on a Plane. There’s not really much to say about it except that it’s the greatest audience participation film of the modern era, that it is both exactly as awesome and as terrible as you hope it is, that is a surprisingly efficient exercise in lowbrow/high-concept genre, and that Samuel L. Jackson kicking hella snake ass is every bit as entertaining as you could imagine.

At this point, it's easier just to point to other critics who've dug their fangs into this ludicrous beast of a movie and gotten it right:

Hype meets bite in Snakes on a Plane, which arrived in theaters yesterday, borne aloft by a savvy publicity blitzkrieg and the enthusiasm of Internet film geeks who embraced its old-school exploitation title. The film was not screened in advance for critics, which makes sense not only because the entertainment media are always happy to push films sight unseen (even Jon Stewart shilled for it), but also because all anyone really needs to know about this amusingly crude, honestly satisfying artifact is snakes + plane + Samuel L. Jackson. (Manohla Dargis)

I saw one of the first showings of "Snakes on a Plane" on Thursday evening in a multiplex in Times Square (it wasn't screened for critics), and the only thing I truly loved about it was the excitement of the audience beforehand. We booed during a preview for some dumb-looking Denzel Washington thing; we cheered for the trailer of Craig Brewer's truly weird-looking "Black Snake Moan" (which, like "Snakes," stars Samuel L. Jackson). When we became restless after too many trailers, a soft hissing noise filled the theater, a boo that was actually a cheer. Time to bring on the motherfucking snakes! I'd urge anyone who's even remotely interested in "Snakes on a Plane" to see it this weekend, when the curiosity level will be at its highest, and with the biggest, rowdiest audience you can find. Because while "Snakes on a Plane" barely stands up as a movie, it definitely qualifies as an event. (Stephanie Zacharek)

[Samuel L. Jackson] holds off the snakes with his Taser and when he finds out they have been chemically encouraged, he says, "That's great news -- snakes on crack." You'll have to wait most of the movie before he finally delivers the mother#$%@ing line of the summer, but when he does, you'll be proud to be an American. (Kyle Smith)

But of course, when it comes to a movie like Snakes on a Plane, the must-read critic is Harry Knowles, who pretty much perfectly relates the experience of watching the movie with a crowd full of obnoxious, loudmouth, diehard geeks primed for the insanity (this is really quite accurate with regards to what happened at the D.C. theater in which I saw the movie):

On opening night, these were the freaks. The folks that have been DYING to see this film. The ones that upon the first screening of the film, screamed in perfect synchronicity with Samuel L Jackson the immortal, “I want these Mutherfucking Snakes off this Mutherfucking Plane!” while giving the line a standing ovation! This was an audience – where during the brief quiet moments on the plane after the snakes hit the fan… would collectively make snake sounds – so that it sounded like snakes were everywhere in the theater.

Basically – this was an audience that paid to see this film not because they wanted to see how bad the film was – but because they wanted to fucking see SNAKES ON A PLANE! And that’s what we got. It was bliss.

I was so happy. So happy.

You see – this is a ridiculous movie. But one that is there for one single reason – to entertain you at all costs. You will see snakes bite every body part you’ve ever wanted to see a snake bite. You will see bloated fucked up corpses and wounds. You will see wounds cut open and beautiful women suck upon them. (which is totally not the right thing to do, btw) But who cares – these aren’t snakesperts – they’re fucking returning vacationers from Hawaii… and nobody fucking expects SNAKES ON A PLANE!

Hell yes.